all messed up

Lately I've discovered that I usually cant finish a thing I've started. I know I procrastinate a lot, but I was able to finish 'em all up before deadline or something. I'm not sure if it has something to do with the deadline or if I really am not just into doing it.

Ok, here's the scenario: I usually start doing things because it somehow catches my attention and would like to try it out. I usually enjoy doing it at first and learn a lot during the process, but after sometime, another thing would capture my interest thus wanting me to do it as well. So I will start with the new thing and leave the other one behind uncompleted or unaccomplished. Then again in the process of doing or completing the new thing or pursuing the idea I've found, another thing will somehow capture my interest leaving the other behind and so on and so fort.

Weird thing is that after leaving one idea behind I can no longer go back to it, or somehow I can but I already lost the interest in doing it that I don't want to go back. Makes me wonder if the only reason I was able to finish something before is because of the deadline given to me or if it is a requirement that I have to do in order to achieve something.

Come to think of it, when I started working I was really enjoying what I was doing at first, and after being a regular and making it as one of the top employees, I started doing things as if it were just part of my everyday life and the enjoyment I felt before just disappeared. Boom! Nada! So , I decided to quit then and try a new one and set a new goal.

Speaking of goals, I just realized while writing this that maybe it is my goal that is not set quite right. Maybe, because my goals then were somehow within my reach, or I set it up knowing that I can easily achieve it, it somehow lead to my discontentment.

Thinking about all these made me realize that I need to set my goals higher. I need to set it to something I can't easily achieve. Something that is hard to achieve but is achievable. Then again, after achieving it what do I do next? Maybe I should set it to something that I know I can't achieve so I'll keep striving to achieve it? But, what happens if I get frustrated not achieving it and just forget about that goal since I know I can't achieve it?

Funny. The reason I started writing this is because I just want to clear something in my head, now after a few minutes of writing I ended up having more thoughts to ponder than clearing the thing in my head.
Ok, now let me start helping myself up by first finishing this entry. -the end-



Well what do you know, I just happened to finish something that I've started, this blog. :P

Who influences who?

Hmmm... . Usually, when you start the day with a positive attitude, your attitude influences others and it becomes a series of positive attitude. And, when you start the day pissed with something or someone, it also starts a chain of negative attitude with the people surrounding you. Since it starts a chain, it creates a parallel of emotions or attitude throughout the day. But, what happens if a guy with a positive attitude meets a guy with a negative attitude? Which one will influence the other better? Or, better question maybe what will happen to the person in between them, who will influence him the most? Well, the answer is probably just right in front of me, just need to pay more attention to it.

A Player's Frustration

I've stopped playing WoW for a year, then I've decided to play again last month. Even though the server was looping I took advantage of every single chance I can to enter the server, fortunately I was able to enter despite the looping due to my patience waiting for it to go offline and online again.
Within a month I was able to to create 2 lvl 80 characters, well it's funserver so the exp rate is really uber high. Within that month I gained gold, even gained some T7 gears from OS trash and the plague ghouls, I remember each run we make to get past the spiders area and every noob players that get left behind. tongue.gif I also gained some good epic mounts and some good professions as well. Spent sleepless nights to have 'em all.
But now I'm really shocked by what had happened. ROLLBACK. Or, might as well call it UBER ROLLBACK. All my efforts gone, wasted, boom boom, sad story, epic fail. If only I've known this was going to happen I should've not played WoW again, or just played from another private server. I previously played WoW on scape and I liked it. (past tense LIKED), but now its seems that scape is no longer the same server where I played before. Now all this makes me really feel upset and frustrated, or maybe I'm not the only one. Scape is all fucked up now.

Enough! ( ablog I created last 06/23/08)

Geeeeezzz! It’s been a while since a last wrote a blog. Well, now is the right time, its only now that I have free time anyway.

Hhhhmmmm…(inhale)

Now, let’s begin. This time, this blog is about my thoughts, thoughts about the current life I am living. A pathetic, I-don’t-know-what life. A few years ago, I was living in an artificial society wherein I had so many free time that I can sleep for 12 hours straight! (or make it 24 hours if I am feeling so freakin tired, well at least tired of doing nothing.) Those were the years…

Now, guess what? I’m in the office for 9 hours a day talking to people I don’t even know , smoking my lungs out during free time, sleeping 4hours (5 hours if I’m lucky), and damn I can’t even play a single game of basketball. Back in college I could kill someone If I wasn’t able to play basketball.

Now, I want to move, I want change, I want to grow. I’m planning on continuing my Masters degree… this time for real, coz I’m sick and tired doing the exact same thing everyday… Come to think of it, I read a book in the past entitled “Veronica Decides to Die” by Paulo Coelho, and Veronica tried to kill herself because she was feeling the exact same thing I am feeling right now, doing the exact same thing everyday without changing anything, contributing nothing, boring, non sense life. But don’t get me wrong. I don’t have the slightest idea of doing such a stupid and moronic act.

Now, where am I? ( sorry I just took my lunch break )…

Moving on, I don’t plan on staying on the environment that I am in right now. I like to do lots of things, learn how to play drums, get a nice pretty girlfriend, dozens and dozens of ‘em (haha that’s a joke just in case you-know-who is reading this.) I would like to try other options, try different adventures, explore myself, dig deeper into me, (I want to be complete! Centrum haha). Sorry can’t help it .

Ngayon wala na ko maisip na isusulat nag-meeting kasi kami nawala tuloy sa isip ko, itutuloy ko na lang next time , ok? Anyway, I gotta go to the lung center, get a good puff of light cigar and a light conversation with my friends, friends that I know are living their lives the way I live mine. ;P

Meaningless

Sometimes in order for us to understand things better we must accept the fact that we don't know it. After all, wisest is he who knows what he des not know. And if you don't know anything, just SHUT YOUR FUCKIN MOUTH UP, coz if you keep explaining on things you don't understand all you are saying are mere WORDS.... meaningless.

Fear, Pride, Legend

I left an institution because of my belief that it will never make me grow as a person living an artificial life. Why artificial? Imagine a life being in an institution wanting you to be a unique individual but in the process asks you to be like other people. With same schedule everyday, asking us to do this and to do that, to follow this and to follow that but they themselves are the ones who are not living up to what they were preaching. Well, aside from those simple things, I left the institution because I had a girlfriend at that time and I know that it was unfair for her seeing me in that institution wherein girlfriends are not allowed, and at the same time I don’t want to cheat that institution by having a girlfriend. But before I left the said institution, I was overwhelmed by fear. My deepest fear is the thought of being devoured by the society I’ve never known, the thoughts of being alone and unprotected through the fangs of reality.

Well life is just. And in order for it to be just, we must give what is due. Now after more than a year, I’m still the same person but with a different personality. I’m living an independent life trying my best to catch up from the reality I was deprived for 5 years. I’m working for a company that somehow teaches me to be strong in facing reality. Although there are times that I feel desolated and alone, I have friends, a loving and caring family, and my pride of being able to stand alone and pursue my goal of growing as a person. I’m living a life worth living setting my own expectations. People can’t tell me what I should or should not do. I like what I do. I do what I like, but of course in accordance to what is just and what will make me a better person. An author once said in his book that a person’s only goal in life is to discover his personal legend. And, I am proud that I am now in the process of discovering that personal legend. No matter where the road to achieving that personal legend takes me, I’ll take my chances. Achieving it or not is not my main goal, it is the fact that I tried and I was satisfied while in the process of discovering it. And since everyone always has a choice, I chose to take the road of completing my purpose as a project than to regret not having to try it at all.

-----------------------------------------------------------------RC

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most
frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is
nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
won't feel insecure about you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest
the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
liberates others.

----Marianne Williamson

Nights at the Hospital

This is the first time that I've written a blog after a year or so. What's funny is that I've no paper to write my ideas nor am I in front of a computer, so I've decided to just write on the foil of my cigarette pack, because if I don't, I might lose the interest to write.

Anyway, my sister was just confined in a hospital near us after almost collapsing due to dehydration and then was later diagnosed with amoeba. Amoeba, a disease I loathed since I was a child after being struck by it when I was young. Right now it's 2:10AM and I'm in the hospital attending to her needs. It makes me smile realizing that after leaving my previous job as a call center agent for 2 years, because I grew tired of having to go to work at night when others are already sleeping, probably even snoring with their mouths wide open, I am the one assigned to guard my sister every night while the rest of them come in the morning. (Technically, I have the night shift schedue.)

Tonight is my third straight night being spent in this hospital. I really hate going to hospitals, because just the smell itself disgusts me, much more walking to the hospital corridor seeing other people suffering from different diseases and hearing babies and children crying make me just wanna go nuts. During the past 2 nights I've experienced a lot. I've seen things I shouldn't have seen, or never wanted to see, I've also seen and heard people vommiting left and right and other things I can't write right now (remember I'm only writing on a small piece of foil from a pack of cigarette.) Good thing about being in the hospital is that I've seen my sister recovering well that made me thank God and re-empowered my faith... My letter ends here because I ran out of space to write and lost the momentum to write after finishing what little space I got.