Tempus Fugit (Time Flies)

Time really goes by easily. When I was a kid I told myself that at 28 either I'd be a priest or I'd be married. I'm turning 27 this year and clearly the first option is not gonna happen, It probably won't happen ever. Maybe in a parallel world it will-- if a parallel world even exists. And the second option? It will happen, but not at 28. I'm not even in a serious relationship. For now, let's tag it as "it's complicated". Having stated thus, let's leave it at that.

I've made a lot of tough decisions in life. Some of which I'm still suffering the consequences. But, I don't regret any of them. Those decisions made me who I am now. As time goes by, we learn a lot of things, some of which we have to learn the hard way. We make mistakes, we fall and we break. But at the end of the day, we pick ourselves up, piece by piece we try to make ourselves whole again and inch by inch we get closer to our goal and become a much better person.

"Time is gold", this is what we usually say when asked for a motto, and we probably all laughed once when a a friend said this because it's the most common of all quotes. But come to think of it, time really is gold. Time is something that we can never buy back. Once it's lost, it's lost forever. What's left of us are the glimpse and remnants of what memory we have of a certain period, pieces of puzzle that we've worked hard to complete and the outcome depending on how we used time.

"Time = Life, Therefore, waste your time and waste your life, or master your time and master your life." - Alan Lakein

Chicken or Egg? ( actuality and potentiality)

One of my friends asked me "Which one came first the chicken or the egg?". I asked him back which one he thinks came first. He said, "The egg came first otherwise there'd be no chicken." I asked him again "If the chicken did not exist, will the egg exist?". he kept on thinking, but before he loses his sanity I told him the reason why I think chicken has had its first existence before the egg. It is because actuality is greater than potentiality. That the chicken is already in actuality and that it's essence is already that of a chicken. The egg on the other hand is a chicken in potentiality and has its essence as an egg, that it will only reach its actual potential once it hatches. So the chicken being in actuality is greater than the egg which is in potentiality. My friend then said that he will need a tissue because his nose just started bleeding and we both laughed at that thought.

Sometimes our attitude can be compared to the statements above. We tend to count the chicks even before the eggs hatch. We focus so much on who we will become instead of who we are. We focus on what we will do in the future than what we can do now. We focus so much on our potentials but sometimes neglect actuality. It's not wrong to think about our potentials, but neglecting the actuals is another thing. In order for us to achieve our pure potential we need to focus as well on who we are and do good in what we have. To achieve your potentials, go out and do something about it. Wishing without doing is like aiming without shooting.

Innocent Nonsense

Here's something I wrote yesterday. I was not able to post it yesterday because our internet connection was failing:

Okay, so it's the first of November. Memories of my childhood kept on playing in my head. I remember watching "Magandang Gabi Bayan" with my siblings and cousins every Saturday night before All Saints Day to scare the crap out of us. And, it really did work I tell you. It always managed to scare the hell out of me. I remember going to the cemetery to collect melted candles and forming it to match the shape of a ball, and afterwards being nagged at for bringing home trash. Also, I remember my cousins searching for beautiful girls who were also visiting their loved ones who passed away-- mind you I was not looking for girls, I was praying. Hmm.. okay I wasn't praying... Okay, okay I was also looking for beautiful girls.

A sea of people visiting their deceased loved ones. Thousands of candles lit. Fireflies dancing enveloped in darkness. The Chill of cold wind rips though my body like a knife slashing through flesh. And the scent of burning candles consumes the air.

But I'm not out there yet. No, I'm still here, at home lying in my bed. Waiting for dusk to fall so we can go visit our loved ones who passed away, without the hassle of people pushing each other to get to their loved ones mausoleum. Everything around me is calm. It's my mind that's been shifting gears now and then whispering innocent nonsense.

Anyway, as I silenced the voices in my head, I was sure that no matter how the day ends, there'll be a lot of prayers said and that the memories our deceased loved ones left us will forever be remembered.

Fear

Have you ever wanted to write about something but you can't because you're afraid that it might really happen? Like death for example. I've been wanting to write about death or the afterlife but I just cant 'coz I'm really scared that it might occur earlier than I expect. So, instead of writing about something that I fear, might as well write something about fear itself.

Fear, according to thefreedictionary.com, is a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. All of us-- and I mean all of us, without exemption-- have something we fear. I myself am afraid of so many things: death, sorrow, loneliness, imprisonment, darkness, well you can add ghosts, and many more.

While studying Philosophy, I learned that some people believed in the idea of god because of their fear of the unknown. So, if fear is this powerful that it even constructed an idea of god to others, and there are tons of things we fear, how are we gonna be able to face everyday life without hiding in the four corners of our house? --not that we're safe even inside our houses.

Even though there are tons of things we fear, we still managed to somehow live our lives without hesitation, we go to work, go to school, attend the mass, enjoy playing games, go out with friends, eat with our family, and so on and so forth.

But you cant always ignore fear. There are times that fear itself is right in front of you, mocking you, gnawing on your courage, and playing with your sanity. There are times when fear puts you to a corner and challenges you heads on. What do you do when times like that occur? How do you really face fear? Do you give in to the will of your fear, and run, and shout, and act like an idiot after fear has totally played with your sanity? Or do you fight back and stand tall even though the very bottom of your stomach is crumbling?

Courage is something that you cannot just spit out of your mouth when you're facing fear. It also takes a lot of belief in yourself and in what you can do. "Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Holiday(s)

And the holidays are back. 99 days to go before Christmas. "Ber" months just started and people--well, some of my friends at least-- are now gearing for another season of merrymaking, alcohol intake, Christmas carols, tables with infinite food and sweets, and a whole new season of joy to say the least.

Each and everyone of us have different ways to welcome the holiday season. Some are going on a diet to look awfully sexy during the holidays only to ruin their figure by ravaging on the food served during the season. Some are getting ready for the holiday shopping season, taking notes of all the upcoming bazaars and mall-wide sales in and around the city. Some just wanna celebrate the crap out of life. And the list goes on and on, while others just don't care, just waiting for the year to end so they can start anew the following year.

Well whether we all like it or not it's coming. But I hope this coming holidays we all will not forget the true spirit of the season. The spirit of giving. A lot has happened to our country this year: many lives were torn, houses burnt, disasters occurred, and some are still recovering from the damages from the typhoons the previous year has dealt. Lets help make it a better, happier, holiday season than the past year. We still have a lot of time. It's time to move and give a hand. Let's welcome the holidays with a heart that gives and let's all end 2010 with a bang.

I'm a quiter

I've tried to stop smoking several years ago, but I couldn't. I've been smoking for more than 6 years now. I've tried almost all the suggestions my friends gave me, from not smoking at a specific place, chewing gums, lollipops, candies, keeping myself busy, and the list goes on and on and on. None of them worked. Believe me, none of them will ever work unless you've really decided to quit.

Lately I've realized that the main reason I couldn't quit is because I don't want to quit. Smoking has been part of my everyday life for more than 6 years that I just cant let it go. I've encountered numerous quarrels with my previous girlfriends because of them wanting me to quit smoking.

Nothing will ever happen if I wont try anyway, so even if I know it wouldn't work I still tried to quit. After 6 years of trying to stop, the day finally came that I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop smoking. I don't know how or why I suddenly wanted it to stop, but that day just came. The day just came when I felt that I can do it.

As of the moment I can say with my head held high that I haven't smoke a stick of cigarette for the past 15 days. Was it easy? Hell NO! Those 15 days are the hardest longest days of my life. The urge to smoke is definitely there, prowling like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour, and I'm here still managing to resist it. It's hard, but its definitely worth it.

all messed up

Lately I've discovered that I usually cant finish a thing I've started. I know I procrastinate a lot, but I was able to finish 'em all up before deadline or something. I'm not sure if it has something to do with the deadline or if I really am not just into doing it.

Ok, here's the scenario: I usually start doing things because it somehow catches my attention and would like to try it out. I usually enjoy doing it at first and learn a lot during the process, but after sometime, another thing would capture my interest thus wanting me to do it as well. So I will start with the new thing and leave the other one behind uncompleted or unaccomplished. Then again in the process of doing or completing the new thing or pursuing the idea I've found, another thing will somehow capture my interest leaving the other behind and so on and so fort.

Weird thing is that after leaving one idea behind I can no longer go back to it, or somehow I can but I already lost the interest in doing it that I don't want to go back. Makes me wonder if the only reason I was able to finish something before is because of the deadline given to me or if it is a requirement that I have to do in order to achieve something.

Come to think of it, when I started working I was really enjoying what I was doing at first, and after being a regular and making it as one of the top employees, I started doing things as if it were just part of my everyday life and the enjoyment I felt before just disappeared. Boom! Nada! So , I decided to quit then and try a new one and set a new goal.

Speaking of goals, I just realized while writing this that maybe it is my goal that is not set quite right. Maybe, because my goals then were somehow within my reach, or I set it up knowing that I can easily achieve it, it somehow lead to my discontentment.

Thinking about all these made me realize that I need to set my goals higher. I need to set it to something I can't easily achieve. Something that is hard to achieve but is achievable. Then again, after achieving it what do I do next? Maybe I should set it to something that I know I can't achieve so I'll keep striving to achieve it? But, what happens if I get frustrated not achieving it and just forget about that goal since I know I can't achieve it?

Funny. The reason I started writing this is because I just want to clear something in my head, now after a few minutes of writing I ended up having more thoughts to ponder than clearing the thing in my head.
Ok, now let me start helping myself up by first finishing this entry. -the end-



Well what do you know, I just happened to finish something that I've started, this blog. :P