Each Day is a New Gift

Why do we celebrate our birthday? It is to commemorate the day we came into existence, the day when we came, as Martin Heidegger put it, as Dasein ('Being-there' or 'there-being'). The day we celebrate our Geworfenheit (throwness). And, the day we started as an In-der-welt-sein (a ‘Being-in-the-world’).

If the purpose of celebrating our birthday is to celebrate our coming in to existence, then slowly but inevitably we are losing sight of the real purpose of this event. We think lesser of our beginning and dwell more on the time that is left to us. Every year when we celebrate our birthday we look back at the accomplishments we have done given our age, if we are ahead or behind, or if time just passed us by. It's as if our life is under a specific contract or like having a specified deadline --a life-span. But young men ought to think of death just as much as old men. Death is no more pressing for the old than it is for the young.

Celebrating our birthday isn't about speculating how many years we have left in our existence but about the occasion of celebrating the original event of our birth and to remind us that each day is a new gift.

I just turned twenty seven today, another reason to celebrate the gift of life. I say it's a gift because it was gratuitously given to me, not because I asked for it, nor earned it like a reward, nor do I deserve it. I may have moral and political right to life, but I do not have a metaphysical right to it. I cannot demand that I deserve the right to come into being or to deserve to exist for another day. It was given to me freely by a higher Being whom I call my God.

Always as an End

I don't know which is legal and which is not, but I do know which is moral. It saddens me that in our government's strive to search for justice, we have forgotten our moral obligations. Rights had been stepped on --the rights the government should have been protecting. It got me wondering how different we are then to the once oppressor who is now being oppressed.

Not all legal is moral, that I'm sure of. It is very evident in the event that transpired involving the former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. The government is preventing her from seeking medical attention from a foreign country. Thus depriving her the right to life through her worsening medical conditions, and the right to travel to a foreign country. The camp of former President, repeatedly claimed, that they want to travel abroad for medical assistance, not to escape prosecution.

I understand why the government wants to prevent her from leaving the country. I understand the need to put her on trial, the need to put a dot on the alleged wrong doings she did. I'm not a real fan of Arroyo myself, but I understand her as a person. I understand her as someone who has her own rights. And if the government is acting towards absolutism, I will always react on that.

According to Immanuel Kant, all human beings should be treated as free and equal members of a shared moral community and that we need to treat people properly. What the government is doing to the former President in seeking out justice has become an embodiment of injustice in itself. The trial can wait, but her worsening medical conditions cannot.

"Act so that you treat humanity, both in your own person and in that of another, always as an end and never merely as a means."



" ...man and, in general, every rational being exists as an end in himself and not merely as a means to be arbitrarily used by this or that will. In all his actions, whether they are directed to himself or to other rational beings, he must always be regarded at the same time as an end..."

-- Immanuel Kant, The Categorical Imperative

DotA and the Trash Talks

There's an internet cafe in Farmer's Market where a lot of good Defense of the Ancients (DotA) players gather. When I first entered that place, I thought I was good enough to play with them. So, the game started and after the first ten minutes of the game I already knew that they're on a different caliber. I chose my best hero and was pawned several times. My hero was eaten alive, nooblike as they call it. Then, came the most special part of the game, trash talking.

People there don't just type in their trash talks. They shout 'em. And yes, players were shouting, cursing and swearing how noob my hero was. And, of course those were pointed at me, the one controlling the hero. Still I stayed for several games more and kept on changing my alias every single game, otherwise they wouldn't let me join. I just couldn't believe that time the gap between their skills and mine. After finally having enough curses directed towards me, I decided to call it a day. So, I stopped there and went home. I felt so ashamed at how pathetic I played the game knowing that if there's one thing I'm good at, or was supposed to be good at, it was playing that game.

When I got home, I told myself that I can't just let them get away with those trash talks. So the next day, I went back and played with them again. And again, they toyed at my hero. And trash talks? Yes I ate 'em all as well. Haha! Those guys are really good--specially at cursing people. So I went back every single day after office hours and honed my skills and improve my playing tactics.

After several days of being called "noob", "effin idiot" and "dumbshit", I was finally at par with them -- I just love it how even the most silent type of guy gets really mad while playing and go back to be being the shy type again after the game. Goes to show that they really are into it. Anyway, the days of not answering my girlfriend's phone call and being late at all the dates we've had because of the game actually paid off -- she almost broke up with me though. Haha anyway, that's another story, and I know that a lot of you guys who play DotA can relate to that. Haha!

So going back to the topic, after being at par with their skills they were then at a disadvantage. Because, the second thing that I'm good at is trash talking and I got that skill way back college days. I got to use a permanent alias, which was known there to belong to a good player, and I pawned 'em all a lot of times and gave them the taste of their own medicine, trash talks. Sometimes, I even do it before the game starts just to heat things up. Revenge really is sweet. Haha! "Run noob! Run!","Weak mo mag-AI ka muna, tang%@* ka!", "GG ka boy!", "Asa ka gago!"I shouted at them. The good thing about DotA though, is that after every game you're all friends with your in-game rivals. Otherwise, I would've gone home limping. Haha!

By the way, my officemates and I even joined our company's DotA Tournament. We were one of the early favorites. Being one of the strongest teams, we could've easily taken the throphy. But sadly, we lost by default during the semi-final round because two of my teammates were sick that day. Anyway, I still get to play DotA once in a while when I go home to Bulacan, this time using Garena Client so I can play with other people anywhere using the same game platform. Up to now I still enjoy the best part of it, which I'm glad is still trash talking. Nowadays though, even noobs get to say their piece and make excuses for how noob they are. I really won't ever get tired of playing this game. It's a game worth playing. And yes, I also have a life outside DotA, I have a wonderful family, friends, a sweet and beautiful girlfriend and a good paying job. Nowadays, I just play it for fun and for the trash talks to make the game more exciting.

Procrastination

Back when I was in college, I crawled my way out of tons of research works with the cunning art of cramming . I've always done my paperworks usually the night before the deadline, or early in the morning and submit it right after printing it. As my fellow ex-seminarians call it, "mainit- init pa". When I was in my senior year in ICS, we were given 3 months to review for our comprehensive exam and I reviewed 1 week before the exam. I remember one of my classmates was not able to eat because of the pressure while some of us were just having it easy. Life is easier for us who know what we are capable of and we know that we can do certain things given little time. Yes, that's the usual excuse-- well at least for me and for some friends that I know.

Yes I procrastinate a lot, not because I'm lazy -- well okay maybe I'm a little lazy, but also because it makes my brain work faster. It makes me think easier. Sometimes, my brain works so fast and a lot of thoughts are caving in that I'm even having problems just organizing those thoughts. It's not because I'm stubborn, it's just that I'm happier doing things my way. Some people call us underachiever. They say that we could be more successful if we don't procrastinate. Well, they're right. But still I say, "fuck that bloody idea!". Kidding.

Now that I'm working, sometimes I wish that cramming would just be a part of a night-long dream and that when I wake up people will know me as the man who doesn't cram. I must admit that I'm getting better at it-- dealing with eye bags due to cramming I mean. Well I don't pretty much have a choice but to deal with it.

I want to change my way because I know I can achieve more in doing things ahead of time. I want to leave this pandemonium where crammers meet. The journey towards the end of the tunnel where people don't cram is still a long way. But I'll venture it out. I know that there is a brighter future ahead. I'll find my way out of this mess even if I have to cram my way out. Haha!

Almost Goodbye

"Si Jaime nalulunod!", I shouted at my comrades after seeing him drowning, terrified and gasping for breath. My comrades ignored my plead for help, probably thinking that if it was Jaime that was drowning and I was the one pleading for help then definitely that's nothing but a big joke. So, they shrugged their shoulders and continued with what they were doing as if they didn't hear me. It's down to me I guess, I told myself. And this guy, Jaime, calls himself kal el? Anyway, being the guy nearest him and the only one who really knew that he was drowning, without further thoughts I immediately rushed to his rescue. Just when I was getting near him, he immediately climbed behind my back and clung himself up on me. "What the f!" I told him, but he probably didn't even hear me because fatigue has already taken it's toll on him. I might be taller than him, but he's definitely heavier than I. I asked him to loosen up his grasp because I cannot swim properly because he was preventing any movements from my arms but he still didn't hear me. "Is this guy trying to get us both killed?", I asked myself. I tried swimming using my legs and a little help from my hands helped as well. With him on my back and preventing me to use my arms, I was not able to go far. My legs were tired and inch by inch I felt we were sinking and I had my full of seawater as well. My thoughts then were blank except for the fact that I know that we we're both gonna die there-- and my other comrades still had no idea that we were drowning. I then realized that that's how jackass Jaime and I were.

Anyway just when I had almost lost all hope, although I wasn't ready to die yet, I pleaded Him for help. Then we started sinking. That time everything went as if in slow motion. I was trying to pull myself up so I can breathe, but Jaime's weight was pushing me down. So I closed my eyes and then we started sinking as if our bodies were made of lead. After a few seconds I felt my toes touched the ground. I was given hope. So, tip-toed I walked towards the shore fighting the current underneath, while carrying Jaime at my back until I can finally stand. We were saved. Jaime finally let go of my arms. How I wish he could've done that earlier so we no longer had to undergo the trauma we felt. When we reached the shore both our legs we're shaking and we both couldn't even stand. We were both so exhausted that all we could do was to stare at each other's knees and watched how they shook involuntarily.

Maybe that's the reason why I never liked the beach compared to how I used like it before. Anyway, I don't know what could've happened if I didn't asked God for help. He really still loves us, Jaime and I, despite our cleverness. And He loves you too.

And our comrades? They didn't even know what happened until after we told them during dinner time. Such sweet and sensitive and caring comrades we have. Haha!

For the Weird by the Weird

Okay, so I recently met someone who really is quite a weirdo. One time, I asked her why she was at home on a Saturday night instead of partying like other college students do. "I don't like going to parties", she claimed. Yes, that's still normal, not all college students really like going to parties and going to bars to hang out with friends. Then I asked her what she likes doing. She said she wanted to go on a road trip. So, I thought it was still pretty normal. Then she added " I want to ride a bus from SM Fairview to MOA". I told her "If you just want to tire yourself out why not just run on a several kilometer marathon" I smiled after saying those words thinking how smart-ass I was with my reply. She then added that she also wants to bring and eat "daing with rice" on a coffee shop. I was startled. I asked her if she was serious, and yes, she was-- although she doesn't seem like it. I asked her what benefit she would get for doing it aside from humiliating herself and tiring herself out from the the road trip from SMF to MOA. She said, "Well, I'll get some of my to-do list checked".

I was amazed at how determined she was in doing the things she wanted to do. So being the kind man that I am, I instantly-- I mean hesitantly-- told her that I would help her and accompany her in accomplishing some of her to-do list. Now we have plans of doing it after this semester ends. Then it struck me. What have I done. I just voluntarily committed to humiliate myself in public and the only consolation I'll have is that I'm not going to be alone. Then, I told her that while she'll have some of her to-do list checked, I'll have some check marks of my own. Only that those check marks would be on my NOT-to-do list.

So the date is set, the calendar is marked and the quest is waiting to be accomplished. Now part of me is saying that I'd rather give up than give in to it--having accepted the challenge halfheartedly. Anyway, after further thoughts and analysis--not that it requires much thoughts and analysis-- it finally shrank in. It's really not that bad after all. It's an experience that could only happen once in a lifetime. I might not be even given another chance to do it myself in the future. Well, it's not that I have to do it, it's just something that would not happen in my everyday life. We only have one shot at life, so might as well get the best of it. It would be a different experience, and at the same time I get to help out my weird friend. By the way, she's not that "weird" weird. It's what she wants to do that's weird. As a matter of fact, she's actually cute, or should I say pogi --that's the term she wants to use in describing herself. See? I told you she's weird.

Anyway, I think I'll be a friend to this weirdo for a long time. She unknowingly helped me in my sales quota this week. The way she looks at life inspired me to be better in doing things and it helped me meet and exceed my daily sales target. She made me realize that if I'm not going to do my best now I might not be given another chance. So I'll strive harder and do the best that I can in every single thing that I'll do. Kudos to her, for helping me become a much better person.

Ordination

Written last June 10, 2011.

I attended my classmates ordination yesterday morning. The celebration was solemn. The whole Church celebrated a wonderful gift, the gift of priesthood. They, Rev. Fr. Edward Pecson and Rev. Fr. Jonathan Lazaro, are now shepherds who will help in leading the flock towards Christ. As their names were being called, I imagined my own name being called as well. I was thinking what my parents, friends and relatives would have felt knowing that I'm being ordained. But, the thought did not stopped there. I started asking myself if I would even be happy if I was ordained.

During my first few years inside the seminary, I know that I have a vocation and that I'd be a priest in the future. But as they say it "Many are called but few are chosen". In my case, I was called but was not chosen.
I went out because I felt that was the most honest to goodness thing I could've done during those days. And, I'm proud with the decision I made. Although, I still hear some people telling me that I only went out because I had a girlfriend when I was in the seminary. I just tell them that she has nothing to do with me leaving the seminary. I'd leave anyway even if I didn't had her that time. That's what I wanted.

As the mass was proceeding, I asked myself if I still have a vocation. The answer was clear. No, I no longer have it. But then again I know it's not for me to decide. I know that if I really am meant for priesthood I will become a priest. It's His call anyway and who am I to decline His call. It would be a pleasure to serve Him in a way He pleases.

After the ordination there was a picture-taking event. When I went with my friend, Jose, in front of the altar to congratulate our classmates, I saw in their faces the smile that can lift a stressful man's spirit. Their faces were filled with joy and I felt happy for them. I felt proud myself that now I have classmates who are now priests. If I were feeling proud that time, I can just imagine how proud their parents were for them. And, I felt proud for their parents too.

Jose told me "If only all of us continued with our journey towards priesthood, there will be a lot of priests ordained today". I just smiled at him. Because, out of all the people who will say that, I heard it from him? I laughed at that thought. I didn't expect it to come out of his own mouth. Jose was one of my best friends when we were in the seminary and up to now I consider him like a brother. And knowing him, he's not like the man who would say that. but then again, maybe he was joking. Or, maybe not.

Anyway, when we went to the reception, I saw a lot of familiar faces, friends who were my contemporary when I was in the seminary. Most of them are now priests. I greeted them and tried to kiss their hands although they wouldn't let me. We were so young when we were in the seminary --well, some not so young-- that we all used to joke around on simple things and laugh our hearts out, and now people are relying on them for spiritual guidance. When I think about it, the fact that we traversed the same path before is already a blessing to be proud of. I may not be a priest like them, but we all share the same mission and that is to serve and follow the Lord.

So to my classmates who were recently ordained, kudos to you guys. My prayers are with you and may St John Marie Vianney guide you as you journey towards your new endeavours. And to my classmates, who like me, have chosen to serve Him in a different way aside from priesthood, kudos to us as well for being true to ourselves and may we all remember the one reason why we were bound together it is God.

Tempus Fugit (Time Flies)

Time really goes by easily. When I was a kid I told myself that at 28 either I'd be a priest or I'd be married. I'm turning 27 this year and clearly the first option is not gonna happen, It probably won't happen ever. Maybe in a parallel world it will-- if a parallel world even exists. And the second option? It will happen, but not at 28. I'm not even in a serious relationship. For now, let's tag it as "it's complicated". Having stated thus, let's leave it at that.

I've made a lot of tough decisions in life. Some of which I'm still suffering the consequences. But, I don't regret any of them. Those decisions made me who I am now. As time goes by, we learn a lot of things, some of which we have to learn the hard way. We make mistakes, we fall and we break. But at the end of the day, we pick ourselves up, piece by piece we try to make ourselves whole again and inch by inch we get closer to our goal and become a much better person.

"Time is gold", this is what we usually say when asked for a motto, and we probably all laughed once when a a friend said this because it's the most common of all quotes. But come to think of it, time really is gold. Time is something that we can never buy back. Once it's lost, it's lost forever. What's left of us are the glimpse and remnants of what memory we have of a certain period, pieces of puzzle that we've worked hard to complete and the outcome depending on how we used time.

"Time = Life, Therefore, waste your time and waste your life, or master your time and master your life." - Alan Lakein

Chicken or Egg? ( actuality and potentiality)

One of my friends asked me "Which one came first the chicken or the egg?". I asked him back which one he thinks came first. He said, "The egg came first otherwise there'd be no chicken." I asked him again "If the chicken did not exist, will the egg exist?". he kept on thinking, but before he loses his sanity I told him the reason why I think chicken has had its first existence before the egg. It is because actuality is greater than potentiality. That the chicken is already in actuality and that it's essence is already that of a chicken. The egg on the other hand is a chicken in potentiality and has its essence as an egg, that it will only reach its actual potential once it hatches. So the chicken being in actuality is greater than the egg which is in potentiality. My friend then said that he will need a tissue because his nose just started bleeding and we both laughed at that thought.

Sometimes our attitude can be compared to the statements above. We tend to count the chicks even before the eggs hatch. We focus so much on who we will become instead of who we are. We focus on what we will do in the future than what we can do now. We focus so much on our potentials but sometimes neglect actuality. It's not wrong to think about our potentials, but neglecting the actuals is another thing. In order for us to achieve our pure potential we need to focus as well on who we are and do good in what we have. To achieve your potentials, go out and do something about it. Wishing without doing is like aiming without shooting.