Innocent Nonsense

Here's something I wrote yesterday. I was not able to post it yesterday because our internet connection was failing:

Okay, so it's the first of November. Memories of my childhood kept on playing in my head. I remember watching "Magandang Gabi Bayan" with my siblings and cousins every Saturday night before All Saints Day to scare the crap out of us. And, it really did work I tell you. It always managed to scare the hell out of me. I remember going to the cemetery to collect melted candles and forming it to match the shape of a ball, and afterwards being nagged at for bringing home trash. Also, I remember my cousins searching for beautiful girls who were also visiting their loved ones who passed away-- mind you I was not looking for girls, I was praying. Hmm.. okay I wasn't praying... Okay, okay I was also looking for beautiful girls.

A sea of people visiting their deceased loved ones. Thousands of candles lit. Fireflies dancing enveloped in darkness. The Chill of cold wind rips though my body like a knife slashing through flesh. And the scent of burning candles consumes the air.

But I'm not out there yet. No, I'm still here, at home lying in my bed. Waiting for dusk to fall so we can go visit our loved ones who passed away, without the hassle of people pushing each other to get to their loved ones mausoleum. Everything around me is calm. It's my mind that's been shifting gears now and then whispering innocent nonsense.

Anyway, as I silenced the voices in my head, I was sure that no matter how the day ends, there'll be a lot of prayers said and that the memories our deceased loved ones left us will forever be remembered.

Fear

Have you ever wanted to write about something but you can't because you're afraid that it might really happen? Like death for example. I've been wanting to write about death or the afterlife but I just cant 'coz I'm really scared that it might occur earlier than I expect. So, instead of writing about something that I fear, might as well write something about fear itself.

Fear, according to thefreedictionary.com, is a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. All of us-- and I mean all of us, without exemption-- have something we fear. I myself am afraid of so many things: death, sorrow, loneliness, imprisonment, darkness, well you can add ghosts, and many more.

While studying Philosophy, I learned that some people believed in the idea of god because of their fear of the unknown. So, if fear is this powerful that it even constructed an idea of god to others, and there are tons of things we fear, how are we gonna be able to face everyday life without hiding in the four corners of our house? --not that we're safe even inside our houses.

Even though there are tons of things we fear, we still managed to somehow live our lives without hesitation, we go to work, go to school, attend the mass, enjoy playing games, go out with friends, eat with our family, and so on and so forth.

But you cant always ignore fear. There are times that fear itself is right in front of you, mocking you, gnawing on your courage, and playing with your sanity. There are times when fear puts you to a corner and challenges you heads on. What do you do when times like that occur? How do you really face fear? Do you give in to the will of your fear, and run, and shout, and act like an idiot after fear has totally played with your sanity? Or do you fight back and stand tall even though the very bottom of your stomach is crumbling?

Courage is something that you cannot just spit out of your mouth when you're facing fear. It also takes a lot of belief in yourself and in what you can do. "Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Holiday(s)

And the holidays are back. 99 days to go before Christmas. "Ber" months just started and people--well, some of my friends at least-- are now gearing for another season of merrymaking, alcohol intake, Christmas carols, tables with infinite food and sweets, and a whole new season of joy to say the least.

Each and everyone of us have different ways to welcome the holiday season. Some are going on a diet to look awfully sexy during the holidays only to ruin their figure by ravaging on the food served during the season. Some are getting ready for the holiday shopping season, taking notes of all the upcoming bazaars and mall-wide sales in and around the city. Some just wanna celebrate the crap out of life. And the list goes on and on, while others just don't care, just waiting for the year to end so they can start anew the following year.

Well whether we all like it or not it's coming. But I hope this coming holidays we all will not forget the true spirit of the season. The spirit of giving. A lot has happened to our country this year: many lives were torn, houses burnt, disasters occurred, and some are still recovering from the damages from the typhoons the previous year has dealt. Lets help make it a better, happier, holiday season than the past year. We still have a lot of time. It's time to move and give a hand. Let's welcome the holidays with a heart that gives and let's all end 2010 with a bang.

I'm a quiter

I've tried to stop smoking several years ago, but I couldn't. I've been smoking for more than 6 years now. I've tried almost all the suggestions my friends gave me, from not smoking at a specific place, chewing gums, lollipops, candies, keeping myself busy, and the list goes on and on and on. None of them worked. Believe me, none of them will ever work unless you've really decided to quit.

Lately I've realized that the main reason I couldn't quit is because I don't want to quit. Smoking has been part of my everyday life for more than 6 years that I just cant let it go. I've encountered numerous quarrels with my previous girlfriends because of them wanting me to quit smoking.

Nothing will ever happen if I wont try anyway, so even if I know it wouldn't work I still tried to quit. After 6 years of trying to stop, the day finally came that I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop smoking. I don't know how or why I suddenly wanted it to stop, but that day just came. The day just came when I felt that I can do it.

As of the moment I can say with my head held high that I haven't smoke a stick of cigarette for the past 15 days. Was it easy? Hell NO! Those 15 days are the hardest longest days of my life. The urge to smoke is definitely there, prowling like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour, and I'm here still managing to resist it. It's hard, but its definitely worth it.